A Bride From Moon

This book is a very fine example of “How bad writing can ruin a good story.”

A bride From Moon.    Goodreads. | Amazon. Author. Neel Aruna C. Stars : 2/10.

Tbh I was not expecting this book to be that good in case of plot and story, as the back cover say Neel Aruna was a frustrated engineer. I am impressed by the story, rich plot and diverse setting, on the same hand lack of experience in writing killed the fish.

For example Phases and Stages were like a speed breaker to fast pacing book. Some were unnecessary and I skipped them after some lines. Story is going good and then you have to read some random pages because writer wants you to.There was not numbering on pages. No direct significance to story.

First talk about the story, like I said it was fascinating. A girl falls from the moon and meets the boy who has some hardcore past. From there the journey begins, the journey which starts as a search party for Sarva’s parents but at the half, the book take a turn. Not that surprising. Now their ride is far more important and the future of mortals depends on it.

A good story, moving and engrossing, keep you hook into the book

How I finished the book : First 50 pages the first day and then I picked the book again after 3 days and finished it in one sitting.

As a debut author, she has done a great job in wowing the tale. An intelligent mixture of mythology, facts and imagination bring out a good fiction novel.

What I hate is the writing. It was so bad I start making notes and got tired after half book. There were many, I will point out some.

First of all, the most basic element of writing is SHOWING, NOT TELLING. Here the writer was telling, not showing.

See this, from the prologue 2nd page.“-told grandpa innocently”, “Mr Iyer mumbled”, “said grandma with anxiety”, “said the concerned husband”, “said grandpa with certainty”. Why using so many commands of speech without any need. You could have show anxiety by any trait or action, but telling it creates irritation.

The needless voice of the author is annoying. There was a very badly written description of Vishwa but author’s voice dominates the narration. It happens later in climax scenes too. You are reading the book and an unavoidable voice of writer thinks to put her insightful view. You are writing a whole book; still, you want to show your personal views to your book storyline at the very inappropriate time. Everytime I was like ———->>

“She is neither short nor tall”,“Not short not long hairs”, “Not heavy not light weighted.” Be specific or give some measurements, what should I make out of this.

Vishwa is in the forensic department, as analysts, and he start talking with himself when in doubt. A dire way to describe the internal conflicts of the character. There are other ways to show the confusion. If you meet a Goddess, I think you will ask lots of questions out of curiosity. Not Vishwa.

Why Sarva has no feelings for Himesh. They were the childhood friend, learning and playing together. Later they both accept they love each other as brother-sister. ???

“Like a flower trust the sunrise.” Someone kindly explains me this analogy. Also, comment what “Flightless Flight” mean.

Vishwa takes Sarva to his House, btw no one sees a man taking an unconscious woman to his home from the beach. He cut her gown, undresses her, clean her and, make her wear his shirt. Then he stands there and looks at her and thinks to kiss her, technically he bloody sexualizes her when she was unconscious and then leaves thinking he did the nice job by not taking the profit of sleeping beauty.

“He scans her beautiful face again. What might be the colour of her eye ? He opens her eyelid ! Then he comes to the pink lips and runs his fingers over them. Vishwa pulls her lower lips. So plump!”

Stealing movie scenes.

“As he opens the door his grandma knocks his head, being unaware that has already opened the door.”

“Then Light goes off like happen in U movies.”- Sex scenes are written like this.

“But the black thing does not care. It move towards her. Everything blacks out. Her screams alone stands out.” – Murder scene.

Sarva, goddess just came to Earth first time and the first mortal she sees is Vishwa, and she finds him most attractive, handsome man of all the worlds. How quickly she made her mind. Not only this, she know how to use computer, internet, printer, smartphones, gift shops, ATM cards, and she can even book flight tickets. I cannot even do that, I go to the shop.

When Vishwa asks him about these things she said that her teacher teaches her. Her teacher tells her all the human technology but did not teach her how to swim!! Oh Sorry! I forgot there is not water on the Moon. But she knows about aliens.

The snakes which crawl out of the jar have red eyes and horns. The snakes were in golden colour.

OR you might write it like this: The golden colour snakes which crawl out of the jar have red eyes and horns.

Vishwa is normal human but somehow every time Sarva needs him he is able to do action, even against the Gods. Why it is necessary that boys must do action if needed, if it is not his character, then he must do surrender.

They say all the 12 elements has distributed all over the world, but 4 we found in India. India is really is 1\3 of the world.

Characters usually go out of their characters according to the needs of the situation. This situation demands that Vishwa should be dumb and Sarva an intelligent, so be it. It demands Vishwa a fighter and Sarva a crying machine, then be it. If you create a character and give him some properties then that character should be work under those limits, and only the developing of character could change his traits and styles. That does not happen instantly, but slowly and continuously.

Vishwa thinks he is diplomatic and so confident of it but in really he acts like a teenager. Why the hell matures, working person, is acting like a teenager. Why he is not developing.

How can forensic worker find any situation or place creep? Murder scenes provide good experience in the field of creepy places.  And why did they call him for field work if he is in analyst department, they have sitting work I think.

Did he leave his job or just go with Sarva without telling anyone anything. What happens is not clear.

First time I smoked I coughed for good 4-5 minutes, but Vishwa smoke Chilham and he only gets intoxicated and starts hallucinating. You do not start hallucinating after weed. NEVER.

“If a positive energy become too much, negative energy find his way to suppress it.”

I disagree at many levels. Too much positive energy does not invite negative energy; it is a non-uniform distribution of positive energy that creates dark corners. And as a result evil generate to compensate the lack of good.

Sarva trades Vishwa’s life with Asura, but how it is possible. Nothing explained much after it. While working with Gods folk author forgets that there were normal world and normal people and they must observe something. Where were the doctor, nurses or it was all depend on the reader to make out what he want of all this?

Is it so easy to steal the Lotus from the Asura’s pocket?  How convenient.
What was the point of Asura Dev in the story? What was it he wants? To rule the Gods, destroy them, then what exactly was his plan? To threats Sarva with a lotus which can be easily stolen. He himself said,”What is a fucking point of me.” There was no need at all to use this word. It is just out of character, as usually happen in the book. Did Chandrani honestly think that she can make Sarva do a job by kidnapping her maid? Sarva was ready to let her family die, what is a value of a maid?

Last but most important, Why they were written as drama queens. Did he love me, Did she like that kiss, Would he like to spend his life with me, He never said yes, Did she marry a mortal. The monologues they were having in their brains should have remain in their brain. They are making a good fantasy novel a cheap love story.

I stopped making notes but there are more things that need explanation. I wanted to enjoy the book so I put down the pencil and ignored the slips and lapse. I am stopping myself to write more about the defects, so of course I am missing many.

Actually, I feel bad for the story. For the story good like this, treatment is dreadful. I wish for the next part, Neel would get any good editor or a beta-reader. It also goes good for some part but overall horrific writing is like an itch that made the story less enjoyable.

In the end, all the loose ends have been wrapped up, and the one which was peeping out are left behind for second part.

A bride From Moon.    Goodreads. | Amazon.

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